Short Essays and musings about family, philosophy, death. Read online

MY FRIEND GENE

  For those of us of “faith,” every life is sacred. The tragedy of the suffering: Syria, Ukraine, Iraq, Africa, Afghanistan, beyond understanding, other than war and man’s inhumanity. I really am grieving with the people and praying for such rapport that it as my Seminary Professor said: skin on skin and flesh on flesh. The sense of rapport works best for me to personalize the total loss continually with a person. My friend, Chaplain (Colonel) Wilson Gene Park is my choice.

  Life can be very sad. Of course, one of the really difficult things with death is that death is so final. They are gone. No more emails, phone calls. One person dies, maximum importance to the one left behind. 

  Gene, my buddy and I beat around the Army together. Vietnam was the common experience. It was in this war torn environment that we formed a forever bond. I was in an Infantry Battalion and Gene served support soldiers. More importantly, he provided a refuge from war for those like me. When things got emotionally and physically what we would see as almost unbearable, there was Gene offering a bed and a beer. We will never forget him. 

  At the time of his transition from this life to the next, he was caring for his wife, who had dementia. They met in the Philippines and Gene wove a wonderful love story around their time. Barb, a missionary’s daughter and an Air Force Sergeant. Could be the title of a movie. 

  From that time in the Philippines, there was Seminary, his family: three great boys; the military chaplaincy. After the military, Gene moved easily to the pastorate. He loved Hawaii and had logged in lots of years there. He came back to Southern California and then AZ. We met up in Tombstone, Arizona where he became a pastor. (Not exactly sure about all this. How can we sum up a truly fulfilling life. We can’t). I do remember this: Tombstone was one of those towns that Gene said, “never got past the Gunfight at OK Corral.” 

  Gene’s passing is a tremendous loss of friendship. And, I claim “rapport” with all those lost in present wars. And, here is how I am doing it. I am not exactly sure how “heaven” works but the very idea is comforting to me and a great value of “faith.” To feel as the Apostle Paul said, “the comfort that this life is not the end.” And in some mysterious way, my friend Gene is involved in the transition of all these innocents who’ve died . He is uniquely prepared to do it. He is a crisis person, trained and ready. 

  I envision it like this, 

  THE LITTLE SHIP

  I stood watching as the little ship sailed out to sea. The setting sun tinted her white sails with a golden light, and as she disappeared from sight, a voice at my side whispered, “she is gone.” 

  But the sea was a narrow one. On the farther shore, a little band of friends had gathered to watch and wait in happy anticipation. Suddenly, they caught sight of the tinted sail, and at the very moment when my companion had whispered, “she is gone,” a glad shout went up in joyous welcome, “here she comes.” This is my friend Gene, leading. 

  And, then there is another aspect which I believe that I don’t quite know how it works either, “soul transference.” I would give credit to the idea if I remembered who told me. When a person dies, their soul is passed along to a baby just born. Comforting to me.

  GLENN CAMPBELL

  It is a curious feeling, difficult and poignant, when you reach that tipping point in the relationship where a person no longer recognizes you. I think that is very difficult. I really wish I could go over and see him and play some songs. Jimmy Webb, who wrote, "By The Time I Get To Phoenix" and "Wichita Lineman," for Glenn Campbell, now suffering with Alzheimer's. 

  I couldn't agree more. Alzheimer's has to be the most cruel of life's endings. Occasionally, I run across somebody touting Zen for Alzheimer: they are in the NOW. Bullshit. When I was first back from Vietnam, I was a mess. Issues like PTSD hadn't surfaced. The war was unpopular, everybody's whipping boy. I was angry, sad, remorseful, eat up with guilt. Need I go on? Glen Campbell saved me: "By the Time I Get To Phoenix, Wichita Lineman". I don't know why they resonated. They just did. I would listen to them and my soul would be soothed. Glenn, now wasting away and mind stolen by this MFing disease, I got to tell you: wherever you are, thanks for the memories. 

  =

  "Don't believe everything you think" (saw this on a bumper sticker). This is the theme of RET (Rational Emotive Therapy). Albert Ellis, who has departed this life and I am not sure where he is in the next as he was an avowed atheist. But, he was so objective about issues that this is what he would say: "Nobody has ever proven there is a God but nobody has ever proven, there isn't." See what I mean. Your thoughts will often get you in a personal abyss, if you are not on top of them. We already do it but work to always have positive conversations in your head. Simple example, You think something. "Someone doesn't like you." Why is that? 

  "They snubbed me." 

  How? 

  "They didn't speak to me." 

  Maybe they didn't see me. Their life is out of control, they are just trying to make it through the day. Loads of things. (Self talk in your head). You control your thinking and "don't believe everything you think."